Children are not instinctively judgemental. We are not born knowing how to call other people names, how to be critical. So at what point in our lives do we learn how to judge?
For some people, it's simply a matter of having judgemental parents. If your parents teach you that it is acceptable to judge and be critical, you will inevitably learn the same. (Point to consider-- who did your parents learn their judgement from...?)
No matter what the roots of human judgement are, there are some definite problems with the habit. For starters, whenever you think something unfairly critical of another person, it may seem harmless- but in reality, you're allowing yourself to feel something negative. Those negative feelings can then affect your mood, causing you to feel angry or annoyed, and you may not even realize why.
Beyond that, judgement can be extremely alienating. If you're around someone who constantly criticizes and belittles other people, who is to say that they won't judge you, too? Judgement makes it hard to trust. In addition, excessive criticism can be the source of hurt feelings, broken relationships, and major interpersonal conflict- and, the fact of the matter is- the more you judge other people, the more likely you are to judge yourself. That in itself can be extremely damaging to your self esteem.
On the flip side, there's also excessive POSITIVE judgement-- idealizing people, to the point that you become out of touch with reality. This is typically the underlying cause of abusive relationships. Oftentimes, a woman (naturally there are men in abusive relationships, but for the purpose of this example we'll stick with women) who has been taught that it's acceptable for men to criticize and degrade her, will then seek out a relationship with a man who does just that. She may idealize him to the point that she can only see 'the good' in him, is not aware of the abuse, or blames her own 'flaws' and shortcomings for the problems in the relationship. This is a complicated situation that involves a whole different set of skills/analysis, but it's good to be aware that there is a chance for excessive positive judgement.
The bottom line is, judgement is damaging. So, the trick is to challenge yourself to STOP. It may not be possible for anyone to completely stop judging, but the goal is to get as close as you personally can.
The rewards of reducing judgement are great: a broader perspective, a more forgiving outlook, a more positive view of yourself, other people, and the world, along with the ability to enjoy a wider range of books, movies, music, and activities.
The way to start reducing judgement is to become aware of when you do it. Pay attention to your thoughts, your inner monologue/dialogue. Look out for name-calling, profanity, unfair assumptions, criticisms, exaggerations, black and white statements (always-never, love-hate, good-bad), associating feelings with facts (ie: "I feel ugly, therefore I am ugly"), and half-truths.
For some people, the judgements are obvious- they mentally or verbally criticize people for how they look, what they think, who they are. They 'tease' and make fun of people in a mean way. They criticize other people out of habit, or to protect themselves, or to distract from how they are feeling about themselves.
For others, the judgements aren't as obvious. They may be talking with another person and begin worrying that the other person thinks they're stupid. They may not hear back from their boyfriend or girlfriend within a few hours of calling, and begin to grow anxious that they've done something wrong. They may be sitting in class or at work and start feeling insecure or incompetent.
In the first example, the judgement is mostly turned outward. In the second example, most of the judgement is turned inward. Neither case is exclusive-- people usually judge others AND themselves, although they may do one more than the other.
Most people are surprised when they first start paying attention to when they judge. It's such an accepted part of society that no one even blinks when it happens, and it's startling to realize how often we do it. So that's the first step: become very aware of when you judge.
The next step is to come up with a catch-phrase or mantra that you can think (LOUDLY) when you catch yourself judging. It could be very simple-- something like "Judging!", "Stop it!" or "Watch it!". Whatever works best for you. The idea is find something that silences the judgement, long enough for you to challenge it.
Once you've silenced your judgement, you can be creative in coming up with a challenge. This can either mean rephrasing ("I'm such an ass" changes to "I'm feeling insecure right now"), apologizing ("Oh my god, did you see her fat roll?" followed up with "Wow, sorry, that was really judgemental"), or rationalizing ("They haven't written me back, they must hate me", challenged by "They haven't given me any reason to think they don't like me, so I'm not going to give myself something to worry about.")
Another way you can get into the non-judgemental mindset is to imagine yourself like a reporter, giving an objective report on a situation. Try to describe the circumstances without bias or personal opinon: Just the facts.
One last thing to keep in mind when it comes to non judgement-- be careful not to judge yourself when you catch yourself judging. It takes practice, so try to adopt a forgiving mindset, and give yourself room to make mistakes. Mistakes are the key to learning. It's ok to embrace them.
